"Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, 'My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
At the age of ten, I decided to chase a dream that promised glory and fame. I chased this wild dream with all my heart, imagining all who would cheer for me and the impossible task I had managed to complete. But it just never happened.
The dream would get close to reality, and then crumble, over and over again. Until God led me into living my dream in the suburbs. And, he threw in a baby, just to keep me on my toes.
After a few months of recklessly living in the present, as infants force you to do, I suddenly realized that I was living the wild dreams I craved for so long. It just looked different than anything I expected.
I slowly realized that my joy in living this dream was connected to some habits I had desperately reintroduced to my life. Habits like hunting down encouraging verses in the Bible. And broadening my grumpy, complaining prayer life to include some gratitude. And letting go of bad habits. And remembering what it’s like to live with the faith that God has plans to do good things with my life.
It is so ridiculously satisfying to be at the end of a grumpy season of life, to step away from crumbling dreams and to be flooded by a rich life right now. Even though circumstances haven’t changed too much, my heart is stronger because it is linked with God’s.
It took a while for me to realize that knowing God, and seeking more and more faith in him, was what my heart was craving. What my soul needed. Where dreams would make sense, and explode in surprising ways.
These days, I pray for things like a faith in Jesus that grows bigger every day, and eyes to see how to walk hand-in-hand with God through upcoming changes and the uncontrollable surprises that fill life. And I keep adding to lists of things I’m grateful for that have already filled sheets and sheets of paper.
Should you be thinking about sharing your grumpy heart and crumbling dreams with God, I can promise you that he understands and can’t wait to renew your life.
I encourage you to re-read Isaiah 40:27-31, and pray. Prayer today that your life will soar a little closer to God’s truth and his deep love for you.